16 intrepid Keymer members + Westgates barmy army of 1 visited Minehead on the annual outing of Tads Tours. Suitably dressed in the latest line of Croissant clothing we made our way to Somerset, picking up Bonkers on the way after his model aeroplane weekend and meeting Mike J at the hotel (after he worked out which hotel he was supposed to be at!).

Mondays game was against Timberscombe CC and after excellent pub grub and some serious darts from Chaddy we found our way down a little country lane to the ground. Skipper Johnners told the oppo that we were very good and hence we batted first. Tour virgin Barnes failed to open his account as the score reached 0-1 at the end of the first over but decent batting from Wylam (32), Chad (64) and particularly Dringy who made a career best 93 before spooning a simple catch to mid on, ensured we reached a more than competitive 244-5 from our 40 overs.

Westy (doing a passable impression of Rog) and his army had arrived mid afternoon and were immediately sent packing to search for alcohol as the ground had no bar. They returned with some local brew in large plastic containers that could have easily have doubled as paint stripper. Nevertheless it was drunk, mostly by BG who needed lots to soak up his inordinately large tea.

When we took to the field after tea it was soon apparent that we were in fact better than them and had it not been for the determination of their opener to bat for ever, the game would not have gone the full distance. Charlie "Briefcase Mong" Needham bowled superbly taking 4 and would have had a tour fivefor had it not been for Sam, standing (I can't bring myself to say fielding) at slip and dropping a sitter.

There was plenty to keep the fines master busy as Wylam led the comedy fielding and numerous chances were spilled but 8 catches were taken - 3 for Mark and 2 for the skipper. Highlight of the day was Scum's first over which went 4,4,dot,wicket,6,2. Top economy!!

Day 2 put us up against the locals - Minehead CC. Due to heavy rain the pitch was already soaked but the local skipper was confident it would still play better than their artificial so Captain Campion opted for a 2020 and a quick return to the bar.

The locals decided to bat first and hero of day 1 Briefcase was hit for 6's on the first balls of his only 2 overs but at the other end Sam bowled with pace and control considering we were on tour. Helped by a catch from a diving Tad ( batsman is still rueing his luck even now!) Sam produced impressive figures of 2-16 from his 4 overs. An assortment of bowling was tried and proved relatively successful - Joe BG proved almost unplayable bowling in tandem with Sid!! It was almost a blessing that Mark's final over got hit for 20 to ensure we had a challenging total of 136.

Skipper Campion finished with the Dick of the Day t shirt and suitable headgear for his drop off of Sid's bowling, which he is obviously now obliged to wear until the next tour!

Croissant, Tommy Pickles, Cletus the Foetus, Big Baby, Justin TwoScums, Dave Bosely ............................... (feel free to add in your own variants of Justin's nicknames) Toussaint was finally persuaded to open the batting and it proved a masterstroke. Between scampering singles he biffed the ball to all parts making 47 before tiredness and the thought of buying a jug took over. At the other end Wylams lookalike (or Joe as he is more commonly know) veered wildly between missing the ball completely and smashing it over the boundary for 6. After these 2 were dismissed It seemed only fair that virgin Barnes was allowed to break his tour duck. He responded by batting like Roly and scoring 33 through third man. The skipper came in to finish the job but was in danger of receiving serious fines with 1 run wanted as he looked like patting back a maiden but crashed the ball back over the bowlers head for 6 to win the game.

Wednesdays game was rained off without a ball being bowled so an afternoon in the pub was the surprising alternative. Johnno and Croiss failed miserably in attempting the Daily Sport crossword and there was a really edgy game of dominos before the excitement became too much and we headed back to Minehead for more drinking and more dancing from the Hutch (See YouTube for proof!).

Joe B-G's quote after watching Chaddy beat allcomers at pool and darts and then start perfectly at skittles - "Why is Chaddy good at all sports except cricket?"

Despite our tour t shirts saying it was ok to pull everything we clearly failed to pull anything! (Top efforts though Johnno!)

Mushy's efforts at the Cock and Balls (See Below for you tube link)

Mark's efforts on the Crazy Golf course

Westy looking like an extra from Shaun of the Dead

The Hutch's Pool cue dancing routine (See Below for you tube link)

Joe B-G halfway through demolishing a large fried breakfast wanting to know if we were stopping on the way home for lunch!

Hope everyone enjoyed it. Look out for next years tour, who knows where Tad's Tours will take us next time!

Report: Ross Watkins (Tads Tours CEO)